Hi everyone, my name is Brittany, and I just need to let some things off my chest because I feel like I’m at a breaking point. I’m hoping someone here can relate, or maybe just give me some godly advice, because I’m really torn about what to do.
The other day, me and my husband got into a terrible argument on our way home. It started because he spoke really bad to me in the car, and I was already tired and drained. I wanted to hold my tongue and be the bigger person, but I just lost it. I was angry, I was hurt, and I snapped back. What really eats at me is that I wanted to show God that no matter what, I could control myself. But in that moment, my emotions took over. And now I’m left feeling like I failed, not just as a wife, but also as a woman trying to walk with God.
The truth is, this wasn’t just one isolated thing. My husband often speaks rudely to me. He can be very disrespectful, even in front of other people, including his family. That’s when it really cuts deep — when I feel belittled in front of others. I’ve tried to talk to him about it many times, and every time he’ll say, “I’ll stop, I’ll do better.” But it doesn’t last. He always slips back into old patterns. And honestly, I think I’ve hit the point where I just can’t take it anymore.
I feel like my heart is torn in two. On one side, I’m his wife. I know marriage is supposed to be about commitment, forgiveness, and working through struggles. I grew up hearing that you don’t just walk away because things get hard. I know the Bible tells us to be faithful in our vows. And there are days when I look at him and remember the love we shared in the beginning, and I think maybe it’s worth fighting for.
But on the other side, I’m exhausted. I feel disrespected, unloved, and unseen. Sometimes I question if I even truly love him anymore, because how do you keep loving someone who constantly tears you down with their words? Some days I look at him and feel hate in my heart, and that scares me. Other days, I feel like I still love him, but those days are becoming less and less. Right now, the bad outweighs the good. And when I pray, I keep wondering if maybe God doesn’t want us to stay in situations that bring out the worst in us.
I don’t want to just survive in my marriage — I want to actually be happy. And if I’m honest with myself, I haven’t been happy for a long time. I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells, waiting for the next rude comment or moment of disrespect. And when I try to work on myself — my patience, my kindness, my ability to bite my tongue — I keep thinking, shouldn’t he also be working on himself? A marriage is supposed to be two people growing together, not one person doing all the bending and the other refusing to change.
Sometimes I wonder if stepping away, even just for a while, might be what I need. Maybe I need to be alone, focus on my healing, and figure out who I am outside of all the pain and frustration. I don’t know if that means separation, or if it means truly walking away. That’s the part that makes me feel guilty, because I don’t want to be the one to break the marriage. I know a lot of Christians would say to stay, to fight, to prove your faithfulness to God by not giving up. But I can’t shake the feeling that God doesn’t want us to stay in misery just to prove a point.
I want to honor God, but I also want to live a life where I can smile again, laugh again, and not feel so weighed down. Some days I really hate to look at my husband, and that’s not how it should be. That’s not the life I pictured when I said “I do.”
So, I guess what I’m asking is — has anyone else gone through something like this? How did you know whether to stay and keep fighting, or to let go and work on your own peace? I know no marriage is perfect, and everyone has struggles. But how do you know when the struggles are just part of life, and when they’re signs that the marriage is slowly destroying you?
Please, I’m not looking for some cold, quick “Reddit answer.” I really want to hear from people who understand what it feels like to love God, to want to honor Him, but also to not want to lose yourself in the process. I’m open to advice, prayer, or just hearing your stories if you’ve been in my shoes.
Thank you for reading. I just needed to get this off my heart.
– Brittany
Hi Brittany,
I really felt your heart in this post. I went through something very similar in my own marriage. For years I told myself I just needed to pray more, forgive more, and be more patient. I thought staying no matter what was my way of honoring God. But slowly, I realized that I was losing myself. I wasn’t smiling, I was constantly anxious, and my spirit was broken. That’s not the life God wants for us.
One day, I finally accepted that love should not feel like constant disrespect. I made the hard choice to separate, and eventually divorce. It was painful, but once I stepped away, I found a peace I hadn’t felt in years. I was able to heal, rediscover who I was, and rebuild my relationship with God without all the chaos. Looking back, I know it was the right decision for me.
I don’t tell you this to push you in one direction, but to let you know that it’s okay to choose yourself and your happiness if the marriage is truly harming you. God loves you, Brittany, and He doesn’t want you trapped in misery. Sometimes walking away is the braver, healthier choice.
No matter what you decide, know that you deserve love, respect, and peace. I’m praying that God gives you clarity and strength.
Sit down and have a conversation be calm and very clear that you cannot stay in any relationship like that. Clearly he is immature and need to work on himself. Is ee this alot when it comes to men who are insecure and have low self esteem. You are not someone’s punching bag! Make that loud and clear to him now. If he loves you he will change
Hi Brittany,
First off, I just want to say you’re not alone. Reading your post felt like reading my own story from a few years back. My husband also had a way of speaking to me that was downright rude and disrespectful, and like you, I reached a breaking point where I wondered if I even loved him anymore. I used to cry out to God and ask, “Why am I still here if I’m this miserable?”
What helped me was setting very clear boundaries. I sat down with him during a calm moment, not in the middle of a fight, and told him how his words were crushing me. I explained that I couldn’t continue in the marriage if things stayed the same. It wasn’t easy, but he finally realized how serious I was. We ended up going to counseling through our church, and over time he began to work on his communication. It wasn’t overnight, and it wasn’t perfect, but little by little I saw changes.
I know every situation is different, and I’m not saying your path should be exactly like mine. But I do believe that if both people are willing to work and invite God into the center of the marriage, things can change. At the same time, you also need peace and respect — those aren’t optional in a marriage. My advice would be to give him one more chance to really show with actions, not words, that he’s willing to work on this. If he won’t, then you’ll have more clarity about your next step.
Praying for your peace and wisdom in this, sister.