I want to open up a real conversation that has been sitting heavy on my heart. My name is Brian, and I’ve spent a lot of time trying to understand why the Christian community has such a hard time engaging with the LGBTQ community. It’s no secret that the Bible contains passages that many Christians interpret as condemning same-sex relationships, and I’m not here to deny that those scriptures exist. What I’m trying to get at is this: why does the delivery of that message so often feel like a hammer instead of a hand reaching out?
When I was younger, I looked to Christians for guidance, the same way anyone might look to their faith community when searching for answers. But what I experienced wasn’t gentle correction or thoughtful conversation—it was criticism, shame, and constant reminders that who I was, or who I loved, made me “less than.” I wasn’t met with love or patience; I was met with judgment and harsh words.
The irony is that Christians are called to be the most loving people in the world. “God is love” is repeated so often that it almost becomes a slogan, but when I reflect on the Christians I’ve met, not all of them lived up to that standard. Some did, and I’ll always respect those who can disagree while still treating you with dignity. But too many others were more concerned with making me feel the weight of their disapproval than with showing me the kind of compassion Jesus himself modeled.
It’s not that I expected Christians to suddenly change their theology overnight or pretend that scripture says something it doesn’t. What I did expect was some humanity in the way they approached me. At the end of the day, if you really want someone to listen to you, screaming at them or making them feel dirty is never going to work. A calm voice, a caring tone, and a spirit of understanding—those are the things that make people open their hearts. Instead, a lot of us in the LGBTQ community got the opposite: we were beat down with Bible verses, cornered with questions, and treated like problems instead of people.
This dynamic doesn’t just push individuals away; it pushes entire communities out of the church. I can’t count how many times I’ve heard someone say they left Christianity because the people were too harsh, too critical, too unwilling to listen. Think about how tragic that is: people who might want to know God, people who might want to wrestle honestly with their faith, are walking away not because of God himself but because of the way his followers act. That should be alarming to any Christian who truly believes in evangelism and love.
Parents, friends, church leaders—many of us in the LGBTQ community are already carrying heavy burdens just for being who we are. Some of us have been rejected at home, criticized by family, or made to feel like disappointments in our own households. When we come to the church, we’re hoping for something different: a safe space, a source of wisdom, a community that reflects the love of Christ. But instead, too often, we get more of the same rejection. And it hurts more because it comes from the very people who preach about unconditional love.
So here’s my real question: why is it so hard for Christians to separate disagreement from cruelty? You can believe that my choices are sinful, but do you have to belittle me in the process? You can hold fast to your interpretation of scripture, but do you have to weaponize it against me instead of walking with me through my struggles?
If the Christian community wants to bridge the gap, it starts with tone. Imagine how much more effective the message would be if it came from a place of patience, kindness, and care. Imagine Christians saying, “I don’t agree with your choices, but I love you, I respect you, and I will walk beside you.” That’s the kind of delivery that makes people listen. That’s the kind of approach that reflects Christ.
I know I’m not alone in this experience. Many LGBTQ people have stories of being shamed, isolated, or driven away from churches that should have been sanctuaries. And to the Christians reading this: I’m not asking you to abandon your beliefs. I’m asking you to think about how your words land, how your actions feel, and whether the way you approach us looks anything like the Jesus you claim to follow.
I wanted to share this not just as a criticism, but as an invitation. Let’s open the door for honest discussion. Let’s hear from both sides. To my LGBTQ friends—how has your experience been in Christian spaces? To my Christian brothers and sisters—what makes these conversations so hard for you? Where do you think the disconnect lies?
Maybe if we talk openly, with humility and respect, we can start breaking down the wall that has been built between these two communities. At the end of the day, love is supposed to be the greatest commandment. So why not let love lead the way?
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I also would like to highlight that I feel like people should stop trying to compare us to people in the church. Because God did say that our bodies are temples for the Lord and so the house of your body is the church. Meaning every individual themselves are a church, especially if they carry the spirit inside of them. So I would say just because somebody that you know or are the Christian community were rude to you doesn’t mean that every single person who loves God is going to be. I truly don’t agree with the way that gay people live, but I respect the fact that it’s your choice. I don’t bully I don’t hate, I just share the word of God and I don’t have to be mean about sharing the word of God. And if you tell me that you don’t want to hear it, I’ll be quiet. But I will still keep speaking the word of God to other people that want to hear the word of God. Unless you tell me that you don’t want to hear anymore because I did do my part by sharing the gospel. You did hear it and if you don’t receive it that’s fine because it’s not my job to save as Renae would say “it is God’s job to save”.
It’s not the fact that we struggle with the gay community. It’s just the fact that anytime we have an opinion or our views are not like yours, we find a lot of time we get resistance and we’re called evil. But I like the idea that we can come here and talk about this like adults. I do believe that there’s a lot of people that are mean with their delivery and they don’t really mean well because they truly don’t know God. but I will say this, just because I don’t agree with your lifestyle doesn’t mean that I won’t accept the fact that this is your choice. Jesus Christ gave everybody free will and all I can do is share his word and hope and pray that I can be loving and kind and pray for you the best way I can and be a good friend to you until you understand yourself what route you want to go. It is not my journey to decide for you. It is your own. I understand that, especially when I got to know who the real Jesus Christ our Savior is. So even if I don’t agree with your lifestyle, don’t get upset. Whenever you ask me a question, I’ll give you my true answer. Also, I would add, I understand that you may not feel the way that I feel about it. But I do think it’s good that we can sit here together and talk about the issues without having a harsh outburst. It is some bad Christians out there. I won’t lie but I refuse to be like that. I want to share knowledge and give it to you the best of my ability.