Author | Michael Klime

A lot of people loved Monique Samuels when she was on The Real Housewives of Potomac, and even years later, people are still talking about that infamous fight between Monique and Candiace Dillard Bassett. One thing people could never fully understand was how an argument between two women who had once been friends escalated into something so physical. I want to make something very clear before I get into my opinion: I am not saying Monique was right for putting her hands on Candiace. Being angry with someone does not automatically justify physically attacking them. However, when I went back and looked at the situation again, I also felt like there were things happening between these women that sometimes get overlooked when people discuss that night.

Some viewers believe that Gizelle Bryant had nothing to do with Monique Samuels’ reaction during the confrontation. Instead, they feel that tensions had already reached a boiling point and that Monique simply could no longer handle Candiace Dillard Bassett’s words and continued statements during the argument. Listen to the viewer’s explanation to hear another perspective on what may have caused the situation to escalate.

One of the biggest things I noticed throughout Candiace’s time on the show was that she could have a difficult time recognizing how deeply her words affected other people. Candiace could be extremely sharp with her mouth, and once an argument started, she didn’t always seem willing to back away from it. That doesn’t mean someone has the right to fight her because of something she said.

At the same time, I think there’s a difference between saying violence is wrong and pretending that words and repeated confrontations don’t contribute to an already heated situation. In fact, Bravo itself later aired discussions among the cast about the impact their words had on one another, showing that the issue of verbal conflict was part of the larger conversation surrounding that season.

At the same time, I noticed an accountability problem with both women. Candiace could struggle to acknowledge when she had taken something too far verbally, while Monique initially seemed to struggle with fully accepting how far she had taken things physically. That’s why I don’t think this situation has to be reduced to “Team Monique” versus “Team Candiace.” Two things can be true at once. Candiace’s words and behavior could contribute to an unhealthy confrontation, while Monique was still responsible for deciding how she physically reacted. Monique later spoke publicly about trying to understand her triggers and even discussed the incident with her pastor. She said she didn’t want anything like it to happen again because she had too much to lose and children looking up to her.

Another thing I wanted to reconsider was the idea that Gizelle Bryant was the reason the fight became physical. I’ve seen people debate whether someone touching or reaching toward Monique during the commotion caused her to react the way she did. Listen to comment from another viewer

After looking back at the confrontation, I personally don’t see that as a complete explanation. By that point, Monique already appeared extremely heated. There was already physical interaction involving Candiace’s hair while Candiace continued arguing. From my perspective, the situation was already moving in a dangerous direction before anyone could reasonably place all of the blame on Gizelle. Interestingly, the cast themselves disagreed about who contributed to the escalation. Bravo later featured Karen Huger expressing her belief that Gizelle and Robyn Dixon had instigated the situation, which shows just how differently the women interpreted what happened.

When I watch the confrontation, what I see is a situation that had been building emotionally and then went completely out of control. Monique appeared angry, Candiace continued engaging with her, and eventually everything exploded. Once the physical fight started, there was grabbing, people trying to intervene, and glassware involved in the chaos. That’s why I think it’s important to separate what we can actually see from theories about what another cast member supposedly caused. Bravo’s own coverage describes what happened between Monique and Candiace as an altercation at the winery, and the incident became one of the central issues of Season 5 and its reunion.

What also stands out to me is how damaged Monique and Candiace’s friendship had already become before that night. This wasn’t simply two strangers suddenly getting into an argument. There was history, resentment, frustration and tension underneath the surface. Bravo later had the cast break down the evolution of their relationship and discuss the winery incident moment by moment. When relationships reach that level of resentment, sometimes the argument happening in the moment isn’t really the only thing people are fighting about. It can represent months of anger that nobody properly dealt with.

That’s why, years later, I don’t look at this scene and think there has to be one completely innocent person and one completely terrible person. Monique was wrong for becoming physically violent. I can say that clearly. But I can also understand why viewers have conversations about Candiace’s words, accountability and how she handled confrontations. Understanding why someone became angry is not the same thing as excusing what they did with that anger. The bigger lesson I took from this whole situation is that people need to recognize when an argument has reached the point where nothing productive is going to come from continuing it.

And accountability has to go both ways. If your words repeatedly hurt people, you should be able to examine that without someone using it as justification to attack you. If someone provokes or angers you, you still have responsibility for how you respond. That’s where I think both Monique and Candiace had some growing to do after this situation. Monique eventually began talking publicly about understanding her triggers, while Candiace also had to process what happened and the breakdown of their relationship. Bravo’s Season 5 coverage specifically included Candiace processing her relationship with Monique in therapy as well as discussions about whether Monique felt remorse.

Sometimes actually revisiting a scene gives you a completely different perspective than simply remembering what everyone was saying about it when it originally aired.

References

Bravo. (2020, October 15). Monique Samuels on dealing with her behavior in the altercation: “This wasn’t about the show for me anymore.” The Daily Dish. Bravo — Monique Samuels on the altercation

Bravo. (2020). Gizelle Bryant: “Monique could not stand Candiace from day one.” The Real Housewives of Potomac. Bravo — Monique and Candiace relationship discussion

Bravo. (2020). Did Robyn Dixon and Gizelle Bryant actually want the incident at the winery to happen?! The Real Housewives of Potomac After Show. Bravo — RHOP winery incident discussion

Bravo. (2020, December 9). Ashley reveals what Monique and Candiace were like at the RHOP Season 5 reunion. The Daily Dish. Bravo — RHOP Season 5 reunion coverage