I’ve got this one cousin in my family, and I don’t even know how to describe her other than just plain negative. Like, it feels like she wakes up every day just looking for a reason to start some kind of drama or complain about something. And the sad part is, I think she’s miserable inside, but instead of fixing her own life, she projects all of that onto everybody else. Honestly, I’m just over it at this point.

Sometimes I don’t even feel like going to family gatherings anymore because I know exactly how it’s gonna play out. I show up, smile, try to just enjoy myself, and within minutes it’s like I’ve stepped into this role where I’m not even allowed to be my real self. I feel like I’ve got to pretend or hold back parts of me, and that’s something I just refuse to do anymore. I promised myself a long time ago I would never shrink myself down just to make other people feel comfortable.

The hardest part is realizing that not everybody in your family is truly happy for you. God already told us this would happen — sometimes the very people who should have your back are the ones who try to cut you the deepest. And it hurts more because it’s not some stranger on the street; it’s blood, it’s family. It’s people you thought would be rooting for you. But instead, it’s like they sit back waiting for a chance to tear you down.

What makes this worse is I can’t even share my little wins or blessings with them, because the minute I do, I feel that jealousy creep in. Like, I can’t tell them about a new adventure I’m on, a new job, or something good happening in my life because then I see the side-eyes, I hear the little slick comments, and before I know it, there’s gossip about me. It’s almost like, unless they’re the ones being celebrated, they can’t stand it. My aunt and her daughter — my cousin — are honestly the worst about it. They’re like a tag team. And it’s sad because they really could be happy for me, but instead they’re always comparing, always needing the attention, always jealous.

And let me just say, I’m not trying to sit here judging them. I know they’ve got their own struggles. But the reality is, their negativity makes it hard for me to even want to be around. Sometimes my mom doesn’t make it any easier either. She’s quick to take their side, even when they’re dead wrong, and that just leaves me feeling even more alone. There are days where I honestly wish I wasn’t born into this family because the constant drama and jealousy wears me out.

But here’s the thing — as much as it hurts, I keep reminding myself that I’ve got the Lord. And through Him, I can handle anything. I don’t have to stay stuck in that cycle because I know that when I gave my life to Christ, I became part of a new family. This earthly family is temporary. It’s messy, it’s imperfect, and sometimes it’s downright painful. But my spiritual family, the one I have through God, is eternal. That’s where my real identity is, and that’s where I find my peace when the drama gets too heavy.

Still, I’d be lying if I said it didn’t get to me. It’s not easy forgiving over and over when you’ve been treated unfairly. It’s not easy praying for people who you know are talking behind your back, spreading lies, or looking for a way to tear you down. But I do it. I go in my prayer closet, and I genuinely ask God to bless them. Because even if they don’t pray for me, I know what I sow will come back. And my heart has to stay pure, even if theirs doesn’t.

But man, sometimes I just get tired. Tired of the constant picking, the mean comments, the backhanded compliments, the gossip. Tired of always being the bigger person. Tired of having to smile and pretend like I don’t hear what I hear. That’s when I lean on what God said — to keep loving even when. Even when it hurts. Even when they’re not doing the same for you. Even when the people you love treat you like you’re nothing.

That message I heard from Ya Girl Renae really stuck with me. She said, “Even when, even now, still be confident and still know Jesus can do all things.” That hit me so deep because it’s exactly what I needed to hear. It’s like God sent me that reminder through her voice. And that’s why I joined this site. Because I need a community where I can be real about what I’m going through, and I know I’m not the only one dealing with family hurt.

So if you’ve got a story, if you’ve ever had to deal with jealous family members or feeling like the outsider in your own bloodline, please share it. And if you’re the praying type, I’d appreciate a prayer for strength. Because I really am trying. I really am doing my best to stay positive, to stay loving, and to keep my focus on God. But it’s hard, y’all.

Thanks for listening.

—Leslie

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